These are hard times for romance - so lose yourself in 'Lost in Austen'

These are hard times for romance

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=E5Q-FcWhEEE

Amanda Price with a copy of Pride and Prejudice in her hand
(image from fanpop)

Contrary to that truth which is universally acknowledged – Elizabeth Bennet does not end up with Fitzwilliam Darcy in this modern time traveling version of Pride and Prejudice. I’m sorry – I couldn’t resist beginning with those words! For those of you who have stumbled upon this article looking to buy Impulse body sprays I must disappoint you – you won’t find any here.

ITV’s mini-series, four parts in total, is about modern girl Amanda Price who escapes the mundaness of everyday life each night by losing herself in the world of Pride and Prejudice. By a sheer stroke of luck (and coincidence of course) she finds Elizabeth Bennet in her bathroom. A secret locked door in the bathroom is a portal to another world – and what do you know, it is the world of Pride and Prejudice. Amanda becomes trapped on the other side of the door – in the world of Elizabeth Bennet, whilst Elizabeth is in modern day England. The mini series follows Amanda Price and how her presence affects the well-known plot of Pride and Prejudice.

My rather simplified version of the plot does no justice to the series. It does not mention, for example, that Jane Bennet in a desperate attempt to save her family financially marries Mr Collins, that Caroline Bingley is actually …well, how to put this delicately – Miss Bingley prefers the company of woman, nor does it mention Lydia’s elopement with Mr Bingley.

The most obvious and striking deviation from the novel in this mini-series would have to be in the character of Wickham. I hope you’re sitting down because in Lost in Austen Wickham, the very man who attempted to seduce Darcy’s sister – is a ‘goody’, an honourable man. And not only that, dare I say it, I’ve grown quite fond of him!

However, much remains the same. The writers have wisely preserved the original character of Mrs Bennet. She is as wifty as ever and I spent a great deal of time wondering how the Bennet sisters’ repressed their matricidal urges. Pride and Prejudice meets Psycho would perhaps be a hit one day.

Darcy is as ‘insufferable’ as he is in the book and Amanda responds to him much in the same way Elizabeth does in the novel. Amanda is determined to keep the central plot of Pride and Prejudice intact – the story of Darcy and Elizabeth. However, being a hapless frustrated romantic in our modern world (these are hard times for romance) she quickly falls in love with the honourable gentleman Mr Darcy. The absence of Elizabeth means Darcy soon reciprocates Amanda’s feelings.

I loved the character of Mr Bennet played fantastically by Hugh Bonneville and I was pleased to see that he was portrayed to be as silly as Mrs Bennet, an impression I’ve always had from reading the novel.

Of course we must mention the cultural clash. For example, at Bingley’s ball Amanda drinks too much, pops outside for a fag (you breathe fire?) and ‘necks’ Mr Bingley. Oh the shame. At one point she asks for something to brush her teeth with and is provided by what looks like twigs from my local park! Perhaps the most amusing cultural clash depicted in this mini-series is when Darcy retracts his proposal to Amanda Price on the grounds that she is not a ‘maid’. That had me in fits.

But all is well that ends well. I won’t spoil the ending too much but I can tell you that somehow most of the plot of Pride and Prejudice is restored and both Elizabeth and Amanda get what they desire most.

I think there are some who have taken this mini series far too seriously. It is a bit of fun. I thoroughly enjoyed it and thought it was very imaginative. Those savage critics who dug into this deeply should be wary of succumbing to the defects of Darcy and Elizabeth – in the former a propensity to hate everybody and in the latter to willfully misunderstand everybody. In the words of Jane Bennet – laugh as much you choose, but you will not laugh me out of my opinion!

Thinking of having an affair? Of leaving your partner? Think again. Think of Nabokov's 'Laughter in the Dark' (Book Review)

'ONCE upon a time there lived in Berlin, Germnay, a man called Albinus. He was rich, respectable, happy; one day he abandoned his wife for the sake of a youthful mistress; he loved; was not loved; and his life ended in disaster'

Thus begins Vladimir Nabokov's novel Laughter in the Dark. I love the no-nonsense-style of this exposition. More importantly, on a simple plot level, as a reader you know what will occur during the duration of the novel - leaving all this 'thinking space' which would have otherwise been occupied with the one million dollar question: 'what happens next?'

It is the story of a man called Albinus. He has fulfilled his version of the 'American Dream' - except of course he is German! Albinus has achieved success (ish), recognition amongst his group of friends, wife, kid, family home and so on. As the exposition states, he throws it all away for a young woman (16 years old?) called Margot Peters.

Margot is vulgar, from the wrong side of the social scale and uneducated. Now these are faults we could easily overlook had it not been for her manipulative and vicious nature. Yes, if you've not realised it yet - the characters are somewhat stereotypical and perhaps it is for this reason that I did not care about the fate of any of the characters.

For Margot, Albinus abandons his wife and daughter. His daughter dies of pneumonia, a cruel punishment for his actions. Margot's former lover, Rex (as superficial as she is) befriends Albinus. Rex tells him that he is only interested in men and in light of this 'truth' Albinus trusts him. More fool him because not only do Rex and Margot sneak around behind his back but they also almost succeed in robbing Albinus of every penny he has. I may or may not tell you the ending, it depends on how cruel I feel. :-)

Rex accompanies Margot and Albinus on holiday. Out of sheer coincidence - missing the bus back to the village and a chance encounter with an old acquaintance, Albinus discovers that Margot has been unfaithful with Rex. Albinus' first reaction is to kill her but Margot convinces him (sort of) that it isn't true, she hasn't been unfaithful to him with Rex. Albinus orders Margot to pack and they speed of into the sunset without Rex. And live happily ever after.

Not quite.

The viewpoint suddenly changes and the next chapter describes an accident an old woman witnesses - one that she would be telling years to come. Whilst trying to speed off, Albinus crashes the car. Both survive.

But Albinus loses his sight, he is blind. Hands up if you saw this coming - you know, Oedipal punishment, symbolic castration, too much sex makes you blind - and so on.

Margot and Albinus move to Switzerland. Albinus, because he is blind is completely reliant on Margot. Rex also lives with them and likes to tease the blind Albinus by his presence.

Back in Germany, Albinus' brother-in-law and friend, Paul, receives a bank statement and sees that Albinus seems to be withdrawing and signing large amount of money. Convinced something 'shady' is going on he decides to investigate.

He arrives at Albinus' home one day, to find Rex sitting naked in front of Albinus and teasing him by tapping him and the blind man assumes it is a fly or a bodily sensation. Paul calls out to Rex. Albinus becomes agitated as it dawns on him the full extent of Margot's deception - and his stupidity. Paul and Albinus leave together for Germany.

Perhaps it is in the final 'shoot-out' that this novels best resembles Lolita. Back in Germany Albinus is living with his (ex?) wife and brother-in-law. One day he discovers Margot is back at their old 'love nest'. He decides to pay her a visit - with a gun. The perspective changes beautifully - Nabokov only tells us what Albinus can see, which ironically is very little. He tries to sense Margot's movements and fires in different corners and walls. There is a struggle for the gun.

Does Margot finally get what she deserves? Or is Albinus put out of his misery?

I'm not telling you! I've done most of your homework!

Would I recommend Laughter in Dark? Definitely. It is beautifully written, not too lengthy and some great comical moments. One such comical moment that sticks out in my head is when Margot and Albinus are on holiday and he is playing with her in the sea. An Englishwoman reading Punch remarks to her husband 'Look at that German romping about with his daughter. Now don't be so lazy, William. Take the children out for a good swim' (p73, Penguin Classics edition). Ha ha. Its laughter in the dark ar right.

Post - Uni Angst

This isn't just a normal erratic life, this is a specially selected colossaly erratic M & S post-uni life. Like my driving, life is rather erratic at the moment. What a corny metaphor I know but trust me, it is true. I must rant or compliment those M & S adverts sometime soon but now isn't the place or time. Now we're going to focus on the downhill slump into a shark-inhabited quayside: POST-UNI life. See the thing about post-uni life is that it isn't as bad as 'life' in general for lots of reason - for example, you go from a busy tight-schedule - a work and play oriented lifestlye to being a sloth. A couch potato. Far too lazy to even click a button to change the channel.

Ok, so perhaps I am exaggerating a little.

There is just far too much to do. And far too many expectations.

Boo hoo.

Take job hunting for starters. It would help if you knew for definite what you wanted to do. I have some ideas - become Prime Minister, astronaut, Cinderella ( I think this is an occupation) and so on. Nothing set in stone. Experience is the most important factor in all jobs I've come across. Now I've got my share of that with a proven track record that I can adapt and learn quickly. But there are those, like many of my peers, with limited or no experience mainly because they've been focusing on their studies. I don't see a problem with that. If employers won't give NEW graduates the opportunity to gain experience - well, in that case stuff the education system, you may as well secure yourself a job as a school leaver and work yourself up from there. But - there are jobs which require you to have a degree or a higher qualification. In which case we are stuck in a vicous circle where students are busy studying to gain qualifications to secure a job and perhaps doiing the odd job here and there - but only to graduate with no experience - but they can't get into that job without that qualification in the first place. What a vicious circle it is.


Post-uni life has its quirks - one being this huge portal of free time. I know, I know, I seem to be contradicting myself - there is so much to do, how can there be any free time. But there are days in this parallel world which is spent doing nothing at all. No job hunting, no commitments, no appointments, no one to see, no one to save, no one to mourn - hang on, scrap that. You get the point. All this free time means more time to think about life, how on the larger scale it is moving too fast and about to colllide with something, but on the simple day-to-day level it is moving too slow. And of course the devil makes work for idle thumbs.

'Go out, do something' I hear you say but with my bulimic bank balance it is best to stay indoors, that way I won't spend what I don't have. And everytime I seem to save a little, put a little in, it just vomits itself out.

I'm often reminded of a line in the incredibly-teen-romantic movie called Chasing Liberty starring THE gorgeous Matthew Goode. He plays some kind of secret agent looking after the first daughter (some girls just have all the luck). Anyway, there is she ranting about all the restrictions on her life, how the back garden of the White House isn't big enough, and how there aren't enough Gucci bags in the world (I maybe lying here). 'I want real life where real things happen' she remarks to our hunky hero. Who responds - witty as ever - 'REAL LIFE IS OVERRATED. IT'S A LOT OF ODD SMELLS AND DISAPPOINTMENT'. Bingo!

Crikey, forgot about this blog!

What a (pleasant) surprise, I knew I had an old dusty blog somewhere but.....well, life got in the way. But I intend to tell (bore?) you all about university (now that its over) and the joy (sarcasm?) of post-uni life (soon).

Book Review: Martin Amis - 'Money'

Can we call the title eponymous? I think so, money certainly makes many appearances in this novel and all that it can buy - namely sex.

(unfinished)

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Villanelle.

A rather shameful attempt at a villanelle but believe me its not easy at all! I was listenting to 'Asleep' by The Smiths as I wrote this yesterday evening.

Where have all the years gone, gone by?

Where have all those years gone, gone by?

Afraid of what is next, will I be

flown high, recycled in the sky.

I have come so far, from being shy

playing with dolls to drinking tea.

Where have all those years gone, gone by?

Sing me to sleep, Sing me to sleep

Won't you sing a last one for me?

Flown high, recycled in the sky.

We had moments, low and some high.

Here ends our long journey.

Where have all those years gone, gone by?

I'll die counting not years but sheep.

I will take with me your heart's key.

Flown high, recycled in the sky.

Hold my wrinkly hand as I lie

here, dry your eyes, let me free.

Where have all those years gone, gone by?

Flown high, recycled in the sky.